To begin, I'm not quite sure why I'm not in a great mood. Possibly because I'm all alone and feeling very lonely just this moment. Possibly because things aren't often as planned. Then again, a touch of randomness and spontaneity never hurt.
I have a hard time with people. People in general are dumb. Individuals are somewhat intelligent, or at least show signs of it every once in a blue moon; people are idiots. It seems to that everyone is so enticed with this "talking" thing. It's odd really, because I'm one who likes conversations. Maybe not participating in them, but I like listening. But sometimes, things need not be said. Sometimes, you don't want someone to say something and ruin it. Sometimes, you just want to be. It's odd because I can be quite off the wall most of the times. But when I want to relax, or when I just don't want to pretend, just want to be, then something's "wrong" with me. People don't get that. I'm a quiet guy. I like to be left to my thoughts, and right now I'm thinking speaking can ruin things.
I dunno, I'm just in a somewhat odd state right now. After a very weird evening with its dose of frustrations (though quite admittedly, I understand and it's no one's fault) I sat down alone at midnight and decided to pop some movie in the DVD player. I hate saying this, mostly because I have a dick, but I really liked this movie. I find the whole concept to be just awesome. 50 First Dates was good. It wasn't hilarious. It wasn't stupid. Yet I liked it. I'm a sap for that, yes, that's right, I like those kind of movies. The ones where the end is predictable, the guy gets the girl after doing everything for her and yet she still breaks his heart. I guess I can somewhat see a side of me to this. As much as I may argue that I don't obey to anyone, I'm pretty whipped... Partly because I let myself be, but partly because I want to be. Yet the whole time I was watching the movie, something felt wrong and it wasn't the alcohol which was then purged out of my body. For some reason I just felt myself clasping to the pillow a little stronger, keeping the blanket on me so it would get a little warmer and regretting some times wasted. Times where I was just too shy, or too awkward or didn't know what to do. I know I hate to admit it, but I know my clock may be ticking. Summer's beginning and as far as I know, I could be wasting my better days. As much fun as I can have doing crazy things, tonight I wanted to just be with her. Odd, perhaps, because I had just dropped her home before starting the movie, but yet it just wasn't the same kind of want. Just my cry for affection I guess.
I don't know, these movies just mess me up. As if I needed to get taken off balance even more than I naturally am...
