As I sit here after a somewhat unpredictable evening, I'm feeling an urge to scream or to lash out at something.  I can't really explain why, but it's just this urge I'm getting.  Really, it has no foundation but nonetheless there's just things that I can't understand that seem to build up and piss me off.

To begin, I'm not quite sure why I'm not in a great mood.  Possibly because I'm all alone and feeling very lonely just this moment.  Possibly because things aren't often as planned.  Then again, a touch of randomness and spontaneity never hurt.

I have a hard time with people.  People in general are dumb.  Individuals are somewhat intelligent, or at least show signs of it every once in a blue moon; people are idiots.  It seems to that everyone is so enticed with this "talking" thing.  It's odd really, because I'm one who likes conversations.  Maybe not participating in them, but I like listening.  But sometimes, things need not be said.  Sometimes, you don't want someone to say something and ruin it.  Sometimes, you just want to be.  It's odd because I can be quite off the wall most of the times.  But when I want to relax, or when I just don't want to pretend, just want to be, then something's "wrong" with me.  People don't get that.  I'm a quiet guy.  I like to be left to my thoughts, and right now I'm thinking speaking can ruin things.

I dunno, I'm just in a somewhat odd state right now.  After a very weird evening with its dose of frustrations (though quite admittedly, I understand and it's no one's fault) I sat down alone at midnight and decided to pop some movie in the DVD player.  I hate saying this, mostly because I have a dick, but I really liked this movie.  I find the whole concept to be just awesome.  50 First Dates was good.  It wasn't hilarious.  It wasn't stupid.  Yet I liked it.  I'm a sap for that, yes, that's right, I like those kind of movies.  The ones where the end is predictable, the guy gets the girl after doing everything for her and yet she still breaks his heart.  I guess I can somewhat see a side of me to this.  As much as I may argue that I don't obey to anyone, I'm pretty whipped... Partly because I let myself be, but partly because I want to be.  Yet the whole time I was watching the movie, something felt wrong and it wasn't the alcohol which was then purged out of my body.  For some reason I just felt myself clasping to the pillow a little stronger, keeping the blanket on me so it would get a little warmer and regretting some times wasted.  Times where I was just too shy, or too awkward or didn't know what to do.  I know I hate to admit it, but I know my clock may be ticking.  Summer's beginning and as far as I know, I could be wasting my better days.  As much fun as I can have doing crazy things, tonight I wanted to just be with her.  Odd, perhaps, because I had just dropped her home before starting the movie, but yet it just wasn't the same kind of want.  Just my cry for affection I guess.

I don't know, these movies just mess me up.  As if I needed to get taken off balance even more than I naturally am...